Mental health. A topic that is more and more being found in the spotlight. Which is great. But I’m still getting used to it.
I suffer from anxiety, and for me personally, acknowledging my anxiety gives it whay too much power than I’m prepared to impart. Yeah okay talking about the things that cause me anxiety and getting to the route cause an’ all helps from time to time, but I just need to be treated normally, like nothing’s wrong. If I think about my panic attacks I’m pretty much guaranteed to have one. And I’m so bored of panic attacks. So bored of them. They are predictably terrifying, and ruining everything.
If I could separate my brain from myself for a second, sit it down, make it a cup of tea and give it a good talking to, I believe the conversation would go something like this…
1 // Brain, it is time to stop dicking around.
2 // There was a time where you were fine, fearless even, with an “I can achieve anything” attitude and a fondness and value for myself. Where the hell has that gone?
3 // Stop putting me in a funk. Bring back the positive I can do this vibes!
4 // Stop worrying about everything, playing every scenario ever over and over.
5 // Guess what, you’re going to have to be happy somewhere! Both the outdoors and the indoors can’t be scary.
6 // You’re going to have to like heat. They haven’t invented the personal hand held air conditioning device, and I am not prepared to not get a tan, like when I was a kid, it was so easy, so suck it up.
7 // Literally, you have to stop catastrophising.
8 // Stop making me eat my feelings! How do you even over-haul the sensible mechanism in my body making me eat good food in reasonable portions?
9 // Stop being afraid to ignore stuff. You’re not crazy, just supersensitive right now, so choose what you want to focus on and let the rest flow over you like a fricking pebble in a stream.
10 // There is just no need to panic! This isn’t life or death, you aren’t in mortal peril and nothing bad is going to god dam happen when you are in Marks & Spencers!!!
In all seriousness, I know its not as easy as simply talking to your brain and telling it to stop. But for me, its a start. Writing it down, typing it up and putting it out there is a start.
Anxiety is a daily uphill struggle, but I don’t want it to define me. If anything I want to be stronger than my panic attacks (which are pretty dam strong). If you can relate to any of this post, please know that you’re neither crazy nor alone. Sometimes that in itself can help.